Dealing with Offences

Over the years in my ministry I have given people counsel with respect to dealing with offences that arise between brethren. From time to time people come to me with a grievance against a brother. They tell me their side of the story. Until I hear the other side of the story, I tell people to realize that I am responding only to what they have told me. I give them counsel based on the information they give me with the reservation that when I hear the other side, my response may be different. Then sometimes I get the other side of the story. Not having been on hand to see for myself what transpired, I am put in the middle. Of course, everyone wants me to believe that they are telling “the whole truth and nothing but the truth.” I generally advise people in these circumstances that I cannot take one person’s side against another in the absence of other witnesses. I am no more bound to believe one person than the other. In fact, I am under commandment of God to be impartial.

1 Timothy 5:21 I charge thee before God, and the Lord Jesus Christ, and the elect angels, that thou observe these things without preferring one before another, doing nothing by partiality.

Today, I would like to give a summary of the advice I give to people in these circumstances. This will be a longer meditation since I judge it expedient to put all the information together in one package. I hope this does not weary you.

In circumstances where one brother is offended by another, I give the advice of Him, Whose name is Counseller, even our Lord Jesus Christ (Isaiah 9:6). Nobody knows better than He how to handle these kinds of issues. Here is His word of counsel:

Matthew 18:15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

16 But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.

17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.

First off, this passage is dealing with private offences, where one brother has trespassed against another. This is not a formula for dealing with public offences. Where private offences occur, the first step is that the offended party must go alone to the offender, the one who trespassed against him. At this stage the transaction is strictly between the offended party and the offender, not between the offended party and the offender’s spouse, or his child, or his parent, or his friend. Too often this first step is not strictly observed. If the matter is not resolved in this first step, then the offended party must go again to the offender and take with him one or two more to act as witnesses. The text says “one or two more.” Any more than this is going beyond the commandment of Christ. This is to be done exactly as our Lord prescribed. Remember, He knows best how this should be done. The one or two more are there as witnesses to what transpires as the offended brother seeks to resolve the problem with the offender. They are there to take note of what it said, how it is said, and how it is received. Sometimes another person can be effective in mediating between offended parties. All too often tempers flare when people are dealing with offences and when passion sets in reason ends. When people become emotional, they often do not hear precisely what the other person is saying. They rather hear a version distorted by their emotions. The witnesses can assist in calling attention to this and clarifying what is being communicated. Through their assistance, “every word may be established.” If the issue is not resolved at this stage, then the matter comes before the church for adjudication. If the offender fails to hear the church, then he must be excluded from the fellowship.

However, bear in mind that the witnesses and the church can also judge that the one who was offended may be wrong or may have done wrong. In that case, the person offended must also hear the judgment of the church. It was to this very process that Paul was referring when he wrote the following words:

1 Corinthians 6:1 Dare any of you, having a matter against another, go to law before the unjust, and not before the saints?

2 Do ye not know that the saints shall judge the world? and if the world shall be judged by you, are ye unworthy to judge the smallest matters?

3 Know ye not that we shall judge angels? how much more things that pertain to this life?

4 If then ye have judgments of things pertaining to this life, set them to judge who are least esteemed in the church.

5 I speak to your shame. Is it so, that there is not a wise man among you? no, not one that shall be able to judge between his brethren?

Observe that this passage is dealing with one brother, “any of you,” that has a matter against another brother and, therefore, comes under the law of Matthew 18:15-17. It is Paul’s argument that the church should certainly be able to decide in these matters of controversy. The church judges the claims and counterclaims between the parties. Therefore, if you are offended against another and you bring the matter before the scrutiny of witness and then before the church, be prepared to face whatever you may have done amiss in the matter. Before pursuing a brother before witnesses or before the church, consider that your cause may not always appear to others as it appears to you.

Proverbs 18:17 He that is first in his own cause seemeth just; but his neighbour cometh and searcheth him.

That is why Solomon also gives us this warning:

Proverbs 25:8 Go not forth hastily to strive, lest thou know not what to do in the end thereof, when thy neighbour hath put thee to shame.

So give very serious and prayerful consideration to the matter before pursuing a brother according to Matthew 18. Do not act in haste.

It is very important to bear in mind that when you pursue a brother according to Matthew 18, the matter can end up with that brother being excluded from the church. Therefore, if someone has trespassed against you, you have to ask yourself if the matter is serious enough to you to run the risk of that brother being excluded from the church. If you do not judge the matter to be so grave as to warrant a possible loss of church fellowship with the offender, then you have another option given to you in the law of Christ. That option is to overlook the offence as the following passage suggests:

Proverbs 19:11 The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.

Sometimes the best way to deal with a transgression is just to let it go, to just forget about it. Observe in this passage that passing over a transgression is connected with deferring anger. A wise man is one who is not quick to react with anger every time someone crosses him. If someone upsets you, step back from the situation, calm down, and think through the situation with your mind rather than with your emotions. If you become angry too quickly and react too quickly in that anger, you are going to cause a lot of trouble.

Proverbs 14:29 He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly.

We would all get along a lot better if we would practice the wisdom of the following passage:

James 1:19 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:

20 For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.

We should realize that we all offend others.

James 3:2 For in many things we offend all.

Just as surely as people rub you the wrong way, you also rub people the wrong way. We are all sinners. In order to get along with each other, we all have to learn forgiveness and forbearance.

Colossians 3:13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

To forbear another is to bear with, have patience with, put up with, or tolerate another. There are things in other people about which it is just best to keep your mouth shut and put up with it. Do you want people getting upset with you and jumping all over you every time you say or do something that offends them? Obviously, none of us wants that. Then let us treat others as we want them to treat us and not get on their case every time they cross us.

Matthew 7:12 Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.

So to sum it all up, when someone offends you, you have two choices. If you judge it to be serious enough, you must follow the procedure given by our Lord in Matthew 18:15-17. If you do not judge the offence to be serious enough to warrant those steps, then you have the choice to pass over it, to overlook it. You may simply drop it. And if you can’t drop it, then you need to pursue Matthew 18:15-17.

Do you profess to be a Christian, a follower of Christ? Then I have shown you how Christ teaches you to handle offences. To react to an offence by going on a backbiting, whispering campaign against the offender is simply not an option for a Christian. Furthermore, backbiting and whispering are offences that warrant exclusion from the church. To leave the church in a huff without taking Biblical steps to resolve the matter is also not an option for a Christian. You have no right to claim to be a follower of Christ, if you do not handle offences His way.

1 John 2:4 He that saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him.

Growth Through Pain, Part 2

It is generally acknowledged that growth comes through pain. I suppose this is the reason that we sometimes hear people speak of growing pains. As an avid exerciser, I know that muscle growth comes about through the muscles being subjected to the pain of resistance. As we say at the gym, “No pain, no gain.” And considering the pain I endured in my last two exercise classes, I am expecting some gain.

As parents we chasten our children to purge them of foolishness and to promote their personal growth. In the absence of the pain of chastening, children do not grow up as they ought.

Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

Proverbs 23:13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.

14 Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.

Proverbs 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.

The pain of correction will not kill the child, even if he thinks it is killing him. Indeed, from our earliest years we grow through pain. And so is it in our spiritual growth under the care of our heavenly Father. The following passage teaches that greater spiritual fruitfulness results from the pain of God’s chastening of His children for their disobedience.

Hebrews 12:9 Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live?

10 For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness.

11 Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.

Our sister Sandy Laba had this interesting insight that I want to pass on to you:

The whole conclusion of the matter is that when I began praying for wisdom, I was so unwise that I thought the Lord just dropped it on you somehow, but now I agree with Solomon who said that wisdom doesn't come easily, but comes only through God's hard workouts:

"And I gave my heart to seek and search out by wisdom concerning all things that are done under heaven: this sore travail hath God given to the sons of man to be exercised therewith."

"...yea, my heart had great experience of wisdom and knowledge."

How right you are, Sandy.

In the passages we have considered so far, we have seen how growth comes through pain that is inflicted upon us through trials and chastening. But we do not have to wait for something painful to happen to us in order to grow. In fact, we are commanded to grow.

2 Peter 3:18 But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen.

But we will not grow if we always take the path of ease and least resistance. If we would forward our own spiritual growth, we have to take ourselves through pain to get there. For example, you may be shy and, therefore, have trouble greeting a visitor at church. Or it may be very hard for you to rebuke a brother involved in sin. Or you may have difficulty speaking to an inquirer about your faith. Or you may experience great anxiety praying in front of other people. Or you might have trouble just being in a crowd of people like we have in our assemblies. Or it may be especially hard for you to chasten your child. Or you might tend to avoid the commitment of close friendships and so deprive yourself of the personal growth that comes through such relationships. Or you may struggle with saying “no” to your appetite for something. Just the thought of some of these things may bring on painful anxiety for you. Yet you will never overcome these things until you endure the pain and push yourself beyond your comfort zone. To grow beyond these limits will indeed involve suffering some pain. But, remember, “no pain, no gain.”

As I bring this meditation to a close, let us be reminded that our Lord Jesus Christ did not choose the path of least resistance. He pushed through all His anxieties and went to the painful cross of Calvary that He might save us. Through His great pain has come the great gain of countless multitudes of redeemed souls with whom He shall enjoy glorious fellowship for all eternity in that blessed place of which it is written: “…neither shall there be any more pain” (Revelation 21:4). By the time we arrive there we shall have finally grown up. Hence, there shall be no more pain. Thanks be to God for our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

Growth Through Pain, Part 1

I have recently come across a couple of things in my reading that stress that personal and spiritual growth comes through pain. I would like to quote these passages that I have read in the hope that they will be the blessing to you that they have been to me.

On page 355 of her book, Total Truth, author Nancy Pearcey writes:

All of us discover at some point that the most profound spiritual growth typically comes through crises. Because we are fallen creatures living in a fallen world, the winnowing of our character is usually a painful process.

And then I was blessed with this passage from an article by Bishop Fulton Sheen:

Our uneasiness even in the midst of thrills is a kind of pain. As Sir Almroth Wright has put it, “A pain in the mind is the prelude to all discovery.” We generally do not strive to solve a problem until it hurts us to leave it unsolved; many of us would not move unless the unsolved problem hurt us badly.

Even fallen men, who have never tasted God’s salvation, often require a crisis to stir their creative potential in seeking solutions to the crisis. It has been said that “necessity is the mother of invention.” People tend to just drift along making no advancement so long as things are easy. Now to be sure, growth means change and change can itself be a painful experience as it involves effort, trial and error, awkwardness, and fear of the unknown. When do people with a problem seek change? When do they seek a solution? People seek change when the pain of the problem becomes greater than the pain of change.

As we find ourselves in the midst of an economic crisis when people are losing their jobs, their homes, and their investments, this thought of growth through pain should encourage us. It will be interesting to see just how resourceful people become as things become more difficult. It is amazing what people can do when the pain of circumstances forces them.

As for God’s children, who have been saved by His grace, they still bear a fallen nature that ever gravitates to the path of least resistance. Although they have the grace of God within them, they all too often do not use that grace to attain greater spiritual growth unless they are spurred on by a crisis, by something that hurts them. It is for this reason that we read verses like this in the Bible:

Psalms 119:71 It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes.

James 1:2 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;

3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

4 But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

Those words perfect and entire describe a believer that has reached full maturity. But observe that this stage of advanced growth is reached through the work of patience that is experienced in the trial of faith. It takes the purging of the fiery trial to purify the gold so as realize its full value.

1 Peter 1:6 Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations:

7 That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:

The pain of the fiery trial brings about the perfecting, the maturing of the believer. It is a process of growth through pain. I have some more to write about this, but we’ll save it for next time.

Prayer Helps, Part 4

Today I wish to conclude this series of meditations on the helpfulness of prayer. In the preceding meditations we have cited verses that clearly prove that prayer helps and we have given Scriptural examples of prayers helping. We have shown that prayer still helps even when we do not receive the specific things we ask for. And we have stressed that prayer helps far more than we can fully comprehend. That prayer can have far reaching effects beyond anything we imagine is made quite clear in Paul’s words:

Ephesians 3:20 Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,

21 Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen.

In today’s meditation I wish to again demonstrate the far-reaching effects of prayer by citing the following passage from the book of Revelation.

Revelation 8:2 And I saw the seven angels which stood before God; and to them were given seven trumpets.

3 And another angel came and stood at the altar, having a golden censer; and there was given unto him much incense, that he should offer it with the prayers of all saints upon the golden altar which was before the throne.

4 And the smoke of the incense, which came with the prayers of the saints, ascended up before God out of the angel's hand.

5 And the angel took the censer, and filled it with fire of the altar, and cast it into the earth: and there were voices, and thunderings, and lightnings, and an earthquake.

6 And the seven angels which had the seven trumpets prepared themselves to sound.

In reading this passage there is an obvious connection between the offering up of “the prayers of all saints” with the casting into the earth of fire of the altar and with the voices, thunderings, and lightnings, and an earthquake. Also connected with the offering up of these prayers is the preparing to sound of the seven angels with the seven trumpets.

The angel that offers the incense with the prayers of all saints is the Lord Jesus Christ. The primary meaning of the word angel in Hebrew, Greek, and English is a messenger. The Lord Jesus Christ is called the messenger (angel) of the covenant in Malachi 3:1. It is Christ Who is the one mediator between God and men by Whom the prayers of the saints are accepted with God (1 Timothy 2:5)

After this angel offers the prayers of the saints with the incense, the censor is filled with fire and is cast into the earth and in connection with this there are voices, thunderings, lightnings, and an earthquake. These phenomena all suggest the terror of God. These things were manifested on Mount Sinai and it struck terror in the hearts of those who heard and beheld them.

Exodus 19:16 And it came to pass on the third day in the morning, that there were thunders and lightnings, and a thick cloud upon the mount, and the voice of the trumpet exceeding loud; so that all the people that was in the camp trembled.

17 And Moses brought forth the people out of the camp to meet with God; and they stood at the nether part of the mount.

18 And mount Sinai was altogether on a smoke, because the LORD descended upon it in fire: and the smoke thereof ascended as the smoke of a furnace, and the whole mount quaked greatly.

19 And when the voice of the trumpet sounded long, and waxed louder and louder, Moses spake, and God answered him by a voice.

Observe on Mount Sinai fire, voices, thunderings, lightnings, and an earthquake, all which caused the people to tremble. As you continue reading in Revelation 8-9 you will see that the sounding of the seven trumpets introduce the working of terrors in the earth. But all of this happens when the prayers of all saints ascend up before God through the mediation of the angel. This leads us to conclude that there is a connection between the prayers of the saints and the outpouring of the terrifying judgments of God upon this earth.

Our Lord taught His saints to pray continually to be avenged of their adversaries.

Luke 18:1 And he spake a parable unto them to this end, that men ought always to pray, and not to faint;

2 Saying, There was in a city a judge, which feared not God, neither regarded man:

3 And there was a widow in that city; and she came unto him, saying, Avenge me of mine adversary.

4 And he would not for a while: but afterward he said within himself, Though I fear not God, nor regard man;

5 Yet because this widow troubleth me, I will avenge her, lest by her continual coming she weary me.

6 And the Lord said, Hear what the unjust judge saith.

7 And shall not God avenge his own elect, which cry day and night unto him, though he bear long with them?

8 I tell you that he will avenge them speedily. Nevertheless when the Son of man cometh, shall he find faith on the earth?

The Psalms contain many petitions to God for the saints to be avenged of their enemies. Think of how many times you have prayed to be delivered out of the hand of the wicked. Do you not pray for their wickedness to end? And do not God’s judgments put a stop to their enterprises? Yea, His judgments are the answer to your prayer.

Only God knows how many prayers have been prayed by His saints from the beginning of earth’s history that God might maintain their cause and avenge them of their adversaries. It seems sometimes that God is slow to respond, but whenever He does arise to execute His vengeance, the work will be speedy. And then shall all those prayers of all those saints be fully and finally answered. Think about it, believer, when time is winding down and this earth’s history is drawing to a close, a series of devastating judgments will be unleashed on this earth. The wicked will be made to suffer for their blasphemies against God, His word, and His church; for their persecutions of the righteous; for all their filthy sins that have defiled this earth. And all this will come to pass in answer to your prayers. Next time you pray to God the words “thy kingdom come….deliver us from evil,” think about the fact that the effect of what you are asking will be keenly felt in the last hours of this earth’s history. In the face of such a stupendous fact, it seems almost an understatement to say, “Prayer helps.” I close with this following beautiful poem:

There is an eye that never sleeps

Beneath the wing of night;

There is an ear that never shuts

When sink the beams of light.

There is an arm that never tires

When human strength gives way;

There is a love that never fails

When earthly loves decay.

That eye is fixed on seraph throngs;

That arm upholds the sky;

That ear is filled with angel songs;

That love is throned on high.

But there’s a power which man can wield,

When mortal aid is vain,

That eye, that arm, that love to reach,

That listening ear to gain.

That power is PRAYER, which soars on high,

Through Jesus, to the throne;

And moves the hand which moves the world,

To bring salvation down!

Prayer Helps, Part 3

Prayer obviously helps because our Lord Jesus taught us to do it. He taught that “every one that asketh receiveth” (Matthew 7:8). It always helps to do what Christ taught us to do. So much of our misery arises from our failure to follow the teaching of our Lord.

We saw last time that prayer helps far beyond anything that we realize. We gave an example that showed how believers today are still being helped by prayers prayed for Paul, Silvanus, and Timotheus by the church of the Thessalonians. Imagine prayers helping for nearly 2000 years!

The following passage plainly declares that prayer helps and that a lot. It also gives an example of just how much prayer can help.

James 5:16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

17 Elias was a man subject to like passions as we are, and he prayed earnestly that it might not rain: and it rained not on the earth by the space of three years and six months.

18 And he prayed again, and the heaven gave rain, and the earth brought forth her fruit.

In analyzing this passage, let’s begin by defining that word avail.

Avail – To have force or efficacy for the accomplishment of a purpose; to be effectual, serviceable, or of use; to afford help.

Here we are straightly told that “the effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man” affords help. That it “availeth much” tells us it helps a lot. An exciting fact that emerges from this passage is that the prayer of a single man can help a lot. It does not require of group of people praying to get results, even great results. The example of how much a single man’s prayer can help is given in the experience of Elijah, whose prayer availed to stop the rain for three and half years. And when he prayed again, it rained and the earth brought forth fruit. How many dramatic shifts in climate have resulted from prayers? How many rains and harvests have occurred because someone prayed? Granted, we do not always get the weather we pray for. But do you ever consider how many times you have received the kind of weather you prayed for? We get so focused on what we don’t get, that we overlook the many things we do receive in answer to prayer.

Because of the fall of man into sin, we will always experience wants, inequities, and troubles in this world. Through prayer some of these will be removed, but not all of them. God has not ordained prayer to make a paradise of this world. But God has ordained prayer as a means to help us deal with this fallen world. In a discourse recorded in John 14-16, our Lord had this to tell His disciples:

John 16:33 These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

We will have tribulation in this world. Prayer is not going to stop that from happening. But Christ said the things He did in this discourse that in Him His disciples might have peace. Notice how many times Christ spoke of prayer in this discourse (John 14:13-14; 15:7, 16:23-24, 26-27). That is because prayer is a means whereby we can experience this peace that our Lord gives.

Philippians 4:6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

A peace that keeps our hearts and minds helps a great deal when we are going through tribulation. And this peace comes as a result of prayer. Again, prayer helps!

Indeed, we do not always get everything we ask for in prayer. Prayer is not a means to control God to do our will. God is not a magic genie at our service to just give us anything we want. The reason we sometimes doubt the helpfulness of prayer is that we are using prayer as a way of getting God to do our will. Paul prayed three times that the Lord would remove his thorn in the flesh. God did not give Paul what Paul wanted, but He did give him grace sufficient to bear his infirmity.

2 Corinthians 12:7 And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.

8 For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.

9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

But notice! Although Paul did not get what he specifically asked for, he did get grace to help bear his problem. So in the final analysis, prayer helped. One thing we can be assured of in bringing things to God in prayer and that is that we will receive “grace to help in time of need,” even if the particular need is not removed.

Hebrews 4:16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

So even though you do not get everything you ask for in prayer, do not overlook all the things you have received in answer to prayer. And do not overlook the fact that sincere, fervent prayer helps even if you do not get what you ask for. Do not give up on prayer because you do not get something you ask for. If you do that, you will be rebelling against God and you will not receive the grace you need to help. Remember this:

James 4:6 But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.