Listening, Part 5

This will be the last meditation in this series on the subject of listening. I would like to focus this meditation on the importance of listening in our personal relationships. Once again Greg Ohly is up to bat. You may recall that Greg received honourable mention in the second meditation that I did on this subject. It seems that Greg is having a good season this year. I would like to relate to you a passage from a book that Greg mentioned to me that I purchased and read. The book is entitled 3 Steps to Yes: The Gentle Art of Getting Your Way by Gene Bedell. This book was actually recommended to Greg by Fred Hodgins. So Fred scores a run in this inning as well.

In the passage I wish to quote, Mr. Bedell had been dealing with how bats navigate. Here is the passage taken from pages 62-63:

Bats use an entirely different mechanism, echolocation, which requires their active involvement and demands that they continuously process what they “hear.” Like sonar on a submarine, bats send out signals, typically ultrasound, that bounce off their targets – insects, trees, the windshields of eighteen-wheelers – and get reflected back for immediate processing by their bat brains.
Given the need to listen to and process every incoming signal, bats are definitely not big-picture creatures. Unlike us, they can’t just sit back and passively listen and decide what to do after they’ve heard the whole story. They can’t ignore intermediate information they receive and tune in and out of their conversations with the outside world, confident they’ll pick up the gist of what’s being communicated. They navigate, deciding which direction to fly and what to do next, based on what they learn as they go along. If they stop paying attention, they’re dead bats.
The human brain is far larger than an entire bat. For better or for worse, we can do such things as conceptualize, summarize, judge, store for later processing, or ignore the vast quantities of data we hear and see. In terms of raw IQ, we’ve got it all over bats. But when it comes to listening, these abilities, which give us the option of tuning in or turning off what’s being said, might actually put us at a disadvantage. When it’s important that you listen, particularly if you’re flying into the unknown, try to listen like a bat.
Specifically send out a signal, wait for a response, listen to the response, then think about it before you decide what you’re going to say. Only after you’ve done all that should you send out another signal. There are three important concepts here. The most important is that you’re talking to listen and understand, as opposed to talking to be heard. The second is that you’re listening carefully to every response that comes back from the signals you send out. Finally, you’re navigating, adjusting what you say and do, according to what you hear as you go along.
To make this work, at a minimum, you have to stop talking so you can listen and think about what the other person is saying. For example, after asking your transition question, stop talking. Don’t just stop talking, don’t even think about talking. No matter how long it takes your Prospect to answer, think about only one thing: listening – because listening is the only way you can learn about the personal needs of the individual you’re trying to persuade.

This passage, of course, is dealing with the art of persuading people. It is true that being a good listener will provide you with the knowledge of how best to connect to the person you want to persuade. If you know a person’s needs, you can better persuade them by showing them that what you have to offer will meet those needs. Or you may discover that what you have to offer will not meet that person’s needs. In this case you can save yourself time and effort trying to persuade someone who will not likely be persuaded. Understanding this can be very valuable in Christian witnessing. It is a waste of time to try to convince some people to believe the gospel. That is why we have verses like this one:

Proverbs 23:9 Speak not in the ears of a fool: for he will despise the wisdom of thy words.

Notice the line that I highlighted in the above passage. Too often when conversing with someone, we are more interested in being heard than in hearing what someone else has to say. This causes a relationship to be imbalanced and frustrates the person who wants to be heard but “can’t get in a word edgeways.” Let’s face it. We all like to be heard. How many times have you responded to something someone was telling you with a flippant “Uh huh” only then to rush to what you were planning to say all the while you were supposed to be listening to the other person. You need to practice listening, which means practicing concentration. You need to concentrate on what the other person is telling you, as was recommended in the quotation above. If you would build good relationships with others, you must learn to be a better listener.

But, as always, we need to see what the Scriptures have to say about this. This verse speaks directly to our need to be more ready to listen than to speak.

James 1:19 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:

How many times have you been so certain of what someone was going to say, that you cut them off and responded to what you thought they were going to say. You might think this is a sign of your superior intelligence. Not so! Consider this verse:

Proverbs 18:13 He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.

If it embarrasses you to realize that you cut people off before hearing them out, it should. Such behaviour is a shame. It shows a lack of good judgment.

In his book entitled The Smart Step-family, Ron L. Deal had this to say about listening: “Listening is a process by which persons set aside their own agendas long enough to tune in to someone else.” That captures what I am trying to say. If we would follow the wisdom of Scripture, we would be more inclined to listen than to speak. We would take more time to weigh what we hear and to respond to it. If we are too quick to speak, we run the risk of being fools, yea, worse than fools.

Proverbs 29:20 Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words? there is more hope of a fool than of him.

Matt Ruma gave me this quote from the Greek philosopher Epictetus: "We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak." That is just another way of saying “be swift to hear; slow to speak.” So Matt scores a run as well. If we would all become better listeners, it would go far in improving our relationships with others. And we would certainly be better Christians as we would be more disposed to hearken diligently to our God. May our God never make this complaint of us:

Psalms 81:13 Oh that my people had hearkened unto me, and Israel had walked in my ways!

I hope you have found these meditations informative and profitable. Would you like me to continue producing these email meditations for you?

Listening, Part 4

Thank God, I can at last come back to composing these meditations. In the last three meditations I dealt with the subject of listening. Let’s briefly review the ground we have covered to bring us up to date. Recall that the responsibility for listening falls upon you, the listener. You need to become an energetic listener, making an effort to focus your attention upon what you are hearing. God commands you to hearken diligently to Him, which means that you need to make a constant effort to pay attention to what He is saying to you. And do not forget that the quality of your life depends upon whether you listen to God or not. Listening, like anything else, will improve with effort and practice. In order to pay attention, you must exercise the power of concentration. When you are concentrating, your mind is focused on one thing. As you try to pay attention, you need to notice when your mind wanders and call it back. In other words, if you would improve the power of concentration, you must concentrate on concentrating. You also need to practice self-control, restraining your passions, emotions, and impulses. Otherwise, your mind will be so anxious and agitated that you cannot focus your attention on one thing. And do not forget to reduce unnecessary stress as stress will interfere with your ability to concentrate and to retain information. Today I would like to consider some things that might help to improve your power of concentration and thereby your listening skills.

One thing that should help to improve your power of concentration is to cut back on activities that reduce your ability to concentrate. For example, one of the problems that speakers face today is that they address audiences whose power of concentration has been numbed by television. Taking in the information television offers does not require the power of concentration that reading or listening to a speaker requires. Instead of having to focus your attention, television reaches out and grabs it with the technical manipulation of events by means such as background music, loud noises, switching scenes and angles, and other visual effects. My daughter reports that when she allows her son to watch cartoons before beginning his lessons in home school, his ability to concentrate on his lessons is greatly reduced. Spending less time in front of the boob tube and more time in things that exercise your ability to listen with concentration should help.

Here is a quote from an article that I downloaded entitled Grave Cell Phone Dangers Revealed by Will Thomas:

Other studies show that electromagnetic signals from cellular phones reduce the ability to concentrate, calculate and coordinate complicated activities such as driving a car. Startled by $4 billion a year in extra claims among cellphone-wielding drivers, North American insurers did a double-take that found simply juggling cell phones is now causing a 600% increase in accidents over other drivers busy shaving, applying makeup, tuning radios, taming pets, making out, pouring coffee, retrieving dropped cigarettes, talking and gesturing to passengers, or actually steering the vehicle.
Instead of just another dangerous distraction, tests conducted by the U.S. Department of Energy found that using a cell phone severely impairs memory and reaction times. "Hands-free" mobile speaker-phones cause even more crashes because they typically emit 10-times more brainwave interference than handheld units.

Now I cannot vouch for the information in this quote, especially since I do not have a cell phone. But I do think it is worth considering. To those who use cell phones, which are most of you, I would suggest that you observe yourself and see if cell phone usage affects your power of concentration. When you hang up your cell phone, try to focus on one thing and see how well you do.

Another thing that should help you to listen is to learn to listen selectively. This relates back to some of the recommendations I gave you on the subject of memory. Recall that in order to improve your memory, you have to establish priorities whereby you can sort out what needs to be remembered from what does not need to be remembered. Since you cannot remember everything that comes through your mind, you must practice selective forgetting thus freeing up mental energy to remember what you should. The same holds true for listening. Today we are bombarded with so many voices beckoning for our attention. Just consider all that knocks at the door of our minds: there are the people around us with whom we must deal; there is the daily mail delivery with myriads of advertisements, political ads, newspapers, etc.; there is the television with several channels to choose from, especially if you have cable television; there are phones sounding off at home, in the office, and everywhere, if you have a cell phone; there is the internet; there is email; there is music being played everywhere you go; there are iPods; and somewhere in the mix are God, His word, His church, and His minister. In order to be a better listener, you have to simply say “no” to some of these things calling for your attention. Remember that listening requires concentration, which is the ability to focus on one thing. So that means other things have to be tuned out!

We have to realize that we cannot listen to everything, learn everything, know everything, and do everything. We have to settle it in our hearts as to what is most important for us to learn, know, and do. That will help us to discern between what we should listen to and what we should tune out.

Now the Scripture teaches us to practice selective listening. Observe these passages:

Proverbs 19:27 Cease, my son, to hear the instruction that causeth to err from the words of knowledge.

1 Timothy 4:7 But refuse profane and old wives' fables, and exercise thyself rather unto godliness.

Titus 3:9 But avoid foolish questions, and genealogies, and contentions, and strivings about the law; for they are unprofitable and vain.

Since the quality of our life depends upon our listening to God, it stands to reason that our adversary the devil will introduce every distraction he can to keep us from paying attention to what our God has to say. So let us be vigilant and resist this device of the enemy. Let us ever follow the advice of Eli, who taught Samuel to say: “Speak, LORD; for thy servant heareth” (1 Samuel 3:9). Are you listening?

Listening, Part 3

I still want to pursue the subject of listening. In this and the following meditations I will be expanding on the thoughts I have already set forth. Let is be stressed again that listening requires the power of concentration. Concentration is the key to information being encoded in our memory. So this meditation on listening has become a study on the power of concentration. Let’s begin by defining the word concentrate.

Concentrate – To bring to or towards a common centre; to collect or gather as at a centre; to cause to converge or meet at one point or place.

When we concentrate with our minds we cause our thoughts to focus on one thing. If we are concentrating when we pray to God, read the Bible, or listen to a sermon, we are focusing our mind on that activity alone and we are not allowing our thoughts to wander from it. If we are going to prevent our minds from wandering, we have to be aware of when our minds wander. When this happens, we must catch ourselves and direct our thoughts back to the task at hand. This brings us back to what we have already seen in the previous meditations, and that is the fact the listening requires earnest and constant effort on our part to concentrate on what we are hearing. The Bible calls it hearkening diligently. Like anything else, the skill of listening will improve with practice. You have to make an effort to listen and you have to keep making an effort to listen. The more you do this, the better at it you will become. And do not forget that God holds you responsible to listen to Him. It is to your peril if you fail to do so. So you had best pay attention to what I am telling you!

Now I would like to call in some information I found on the internet in an excellent article entitled The Self-Mastery. Self-Direction Power of Concentration put out by Globusz Publishing. In the following quote, the author is pointing out the need to make an effort to improve concentration, which is what I have been harping on.

Concentration of the mind can only be developed by watching yourself closely. All kinds of development commence with close attention. You should regulate your every thought and feeling. When you commence to watch yourself and your own acts and also the acts of other people, you use the faculties of autonomy (self-government), and, as you continue to do so, you improve your faculties, until in time you can engineer your every thought, wish and plan. To be able to focalize the mind on the object at hand in a conscious manner leads to concentration. Only the trained mind can focalize. To hold a thought before it until all the faculties shall have had time to consider that thought is concentration.

I am particularly struck by that sentence that I have highlighted. In order to develop anything in your life, whether it be listening skills, a professional skill, learning a subject, getting in shape, or pursuing a relationship, you have to pay close attention to it. So if you find yourself having a problem concentrating, you need to begin watching yourself closely, paying attention to your concentration or lack thereof. The correction of any problem begins with awareness of the problem. Strangely enough, in order to improve the power of concentration, you have to concentrate on concentrating!

Now let’s bring in what the Scripture says about this.

Proverbs 4:25 Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee.
26 Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established.
27 Turn not to the right hand nor to the left: remove thy foot from evil.

This passage is clearly teaching us to consider our direction, settle on a course of action, set it before us, and focus directly on it without being turned aside from it to the right hand or to the left. This is clearly a call to develop the power of concentration.

Here is another interesting quote from the above-mentioned article.

When the self-regulating faculties are not developed the impulses, appetites, emotions and passions have full swing to do as they please and the mind becomes impulsive, restless, emotional and irregular in its action. This is what makes mental concentration poor.
When the self-guiding faculties are weak in development, the person always lacks the power of mental concentration. Therefore you cannot learn to concentrate until you develop those very powers that qualify you to be able to concentrate. So if you cannot concentrate one of the following is the cause:
1. "Deficiency of the motor centers." 2. "An impulsive and emotional mind." 3. "An untrained mind."
The last fault can soon be removed by systematic practice. It is easiest to correct.
The impulsive and emotional state of mind can best be corrected by restraining anger, passion and excitement, hatred, strong impulses, intense emotions, fretfulness, etc. It is impossible to concentrate when you are in any of these excited states.

Note those three things that will interfere with concentration. The deficiency of motor centers refers to some kind of mental handicap that hinders one’s ability to concentrate. This is something that most of us do not have, at least not that we know of. Assuming that is not the problem, we may consider the other two. We have already addressed the interference of an untrained mind. That, as he rightly observes, can be corrected by practice. His advice on correcting an impulsive and emotional mind is right on target. He is simply recommending the Scriptural practice of temperance. Temperance is defined as the practice or habit of restraining oneself in provocation, passion, desire, etc.; rational self-restraint. This is one of the nine-fold fruit of the Spirit mentioned in Galatians 5:22-23 and something we are taught to add to our faith in 2 Peter 1:5-8, if we would “neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.” We must restrain our passions, our emotions, and our impulses if we would improve our ability to concentrate. For example, when you are reading your Bible, you may feel as strong impulse to call someone on the telephone. Or you may be feeling very angry about something that happened. Or you may be worried about how you are going to pay the bills. All of these things are interfering with your ability to concentrate on your reading. Learn to recognize when your mind is wandering onto these other things. Catch yourself and call your thoughts back to the task at hand. All those other things will be there to attend to when you are done with your reading. And, of course, as Christians we have the privilege of casting our cares upon God so as to free up our minds to concentrate. So a simple prayer of commitment of our cares to God can help to bring us back into focus.

Philippians 4:6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

A mind at peace will be much more disposed to concentration than a mind that is anxious and agitated. And the ability to concentrate will make you a better listener, which is the purpose of these meditations. That is enough for today. Now see if you can concentrate on this information I have given you.

Listening, Part 2

I wish to continue with the subject of listening, that I began in last week’s meditation. Remember that God holds you responsible to listen to what He has to say. He commands you to hearken diligently, which involves hearing with an earnest and constant effort to concentrate upon what you are hearing. This is what Pastor Larry Lilly calls “energetic listening.” It takes effort and thus energy to listen. Now consider the definition of listen.

Listen – To hear attentively; to give ear to; to pay attention to (a person speaking or what is said).

Please note that listening involves paying attention to what is said. Again, it involves the power of concentration. And this is most especially important when it comes to listening to God. A main reason we go to church is to hear what God has to say. So this subject very much applies to our responsibility as church members sitting under the sound of the pastor that the Holy Ghost has set over us to teach us God’s word.

Some of the information surrounding this subject of listening will hearken back to the meditations I did on memory. You may recall that at the end of those mediations I recommended an article entitled: Improving Your Memory: Tips and Techniques for Memory Enhancement. This article can be found by going to www.helpguide.org and typing in the title. Our brother Greg Ohly obviously read this article because he was using some of those techniques to help him remember the names of his twin granddaughters, as he related to us last Sunday. Greg apparently took to heart my comments about memory. Thank you, Greg. This article had this to say about listening and concentration:

New information enters your brain along pathways between neurons in the appropriate area of the brain. The key to encoding information into your memory is concentration; unless you focus on information intently, it goes “in one ear and out the other.” This is why teachers are always nagging students to pay attention! If you’ve concentrated well enough to encode new information in your brain, the hippocampus sends a signal to store the information as long-term memory.

The hippocampus is the structure in your brain that plays a major role in processing information as memory. If you want to retain what you hear, you need to hear it with concentration; you need to listen. Now as for your responsibility to listen to the preaching of God’s word in church, let me make a few suggestions.

First of all, pray to God to help you to listen, to focus your attention upon His word. Consider this prayer for focused attention and the removal of distractions:

Psalms 119:36 Incline my heart unto thy testimonies, and not to covetousness.
37 Turn away mine eyes from beholding vanity; and quicken (energize) thou me in thy way.

Secondly, make an earnest effort pay attention. In other words, hearken diligently. Quoting again from the article Improving your Memory:

You can’t remember something if you never learned it, and you can’t learn something — that is, encode it into your brain — if you don’t pay enough attention to it. It takes about eight seconds of intent focus to process a piece of information through your hippocampus and into the appropriate memory center. So, no multitasking when you need to concentrate! If you distract easily, try to receive information in a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted.

Now let’s see how the Scripture puts it.

Proverbs 2:2 So that thou incline thine ear unto wisdom, and apply thine heart to understanding;

Inclining the ear and applying the heart is making an effort to pay attention.

Thirdly, eliminate care from your life so as to reduce stress. Stress reduces your ability to concentrate. Stress produces the hormone cortisol, which can damage the hippocampus thus hindering your ability to store information in your brains. It is difficult to concentrate and thus to hearken diligently if you are nervous, anxious, and agitated. When your mind is all keyed up, it tends to jump all over the place. It is very frustrating to communicate with someone like that because you can tell they are not tuned into what you are trying to say to them. Okay, I know some of you have had that problem with me. So I am preaching to myself as well. We need to learn to quiet ourselves so as to be able to listen. And a good way to quiet ourselves is to reduce the amount of care that is stressing us. Are you hearing the echoes of a recent sermon I preached entitled On Being Without Carefulness?

Fourthly, get adequate sleep. When you are exhausted from lack of sleep your ability to concentrate is severely impaired. It is hard to listen while struggling to stay awake. Or have you noticed this? I have actually had people tell me they enjoyed a sermon, when I caught them sleeping during it. Go figure! And, of course, good nutrition and exercise improve your overall health including your mental health and with that your ability to concentrate.

Before you come to church, I would advise you to have some quiet time to pray and get your mind in frame to hear the word of God. You can do this on Saturday evening or Sunday morning. Give yourself plenty of time to commute to church so that you are not under the stress of rushing to make it before the bell rings. Remember, stress will interfere with your ability to concentrate. Have a quiet, relaxing drive to church. Connect with the family. Leave the cell phone at home, or if you just can’t be parted from it, at least do not talk on it or turn it on. Minimize your distractions. You are coming to hear from heaven. Get tuned in!

And don’t forget that the quality of your life depends upon whether you listen or not. I shall have more to say about listening next time, God willing.

Listening, Part 1

At the last conference I attended in Indiana, I became better acquainted with a minister that I met there before. He is Pastor Larry Lilly. I now regularly receive a devotional he sends out entitled Larry Lilly’s Letter. Here is a quote from his letter of 8April 2008 that struck me. It deals with the subject of listening.

Proverbs 1:5, "A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels:" Basically the proverb means that wise people increase their wisdom through energized listening. Far too many people appear to be listening but in fact their mind is wandering off to some experience past or desired, they are fondly walking down some memory lane and fail to grasp a mere modicum of what the speaker is saying, let alone grasp any meaning. To be sure the speaker has a responsibility to arrest attention, but only the very best speakers and teachers managed to do this consistently, so the burden for increased knowledge, or wisdom falls to the listener, for even boring speakers often say profound things. Certainly we have listened to tremendously exciting speakers who upon examination have said nothing, but they did say it eloquently.

I can certainly relate to what Pastor Lilly is saying. I have heard men with poor speaking skills set forth very informative subject matter. Even our beloved apostle Paul was “rude in speech, yet not in knowledge” (2 Corinthians 11:6). On the other hand, I have heard men who were lively, witty, eloquent speakers that taught me nothing. Their speeches were only so much fluff. I once knew a Primitive Baptist deacon that had this to say about these kinds of speakers: “They have diarrhea of the mouth and constipation of the thought.”

I was struck with Pastor Lilly’s point that “the burden for increased knowledge, or wisdom falls to the listener.” That is so true! While a speaker should strive to make his presentation as interesting and arresting as he can, it is ultimately up to you to make the effort to listen.

Now “what saith the Scripture” with respect to this subject? God does indeed hold you responsible to be energetic listeners, as Brother Lilly put it. Consider these verses:

Deuteronomy 28:1 And it shall come to pass, if thou shalt hearken diligently unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to observe and to do all his commandments which I command thee this day, that the LORD thy God will set thee on high above all nations of the earth:
2 And all these blessings shall come on thee, and overtake thee, if thou shalt hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God.

Isaiah 55:2 Wherefore do ye spend money for that which is not bread? and your labour for that which satisfieth not? hearken diligently unto me, and eat ye that which is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness.

You are commanded to hearken diligently. Doing so will bring rich blessings into your life. It should be obvious from these verses that listening has a great deal to do with the quality of your life. Now true to form, let’s define what it means to hearken diligently.

Hearken – To apply the ears to hear; to listen, give ear. To apply the mind to what is said; to attend, have regard; to listen with sympathy or docility (readiness to receive instruction).

Diligently – With constant and earnest effort to accomplish what is undertaken; persistent application and endeavour.

To hearken is to listen. But this involves more than just letting sounds come into your ears. Hearkening also involves applying your mind to what you hear. It involves the power of concentration. To hearken diligently is to listen with constant and earnest effort. You have to make a serious effort to listen with concentration upon what you hear, and that constantly. Otherwise, your mind will wander and you will miss what God holds you responsible to hear. And the failure to listen will bring judgment upon you as these verses plainly declare:

Deuteronomy 18:18 I will raise them up a Prophet from among their brethren, like unto thee, and will put my words in his mouth; and he shall speak unto them all that I shall command him.
19 And it shall come to pass, that whosoever will not hearken unto my words which he shall speak in my name, I will require it of him.

Deuteronomy 28:15 But it shall come to pass, if thou wilt not hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God, to observe to do all his commandments and his statutes which I command thee this day; that all these curses shall come upon thee, and overtake thee:

This subject matter is expanding in my mind. I shall have more to say about it in another meditation, God willing. The thing I want to impress upon you today is that God commands you to listen with concentration to what He has to say. When a man is speaking to you on behalf of God, you had better listen, even if His speaking skills may not be the best. It is your responsibility to listen. The quality of your life depends upon whether you do so or not.