Listening, Part 5

This will be the last meditation in this series on the subject of listening. I would like to focus this meditation on the importance of listening in our personal relationships. Once again Greg Ohly is up to bat. You may recall that Greg received honourable mention in the second meditation that I did on this subject. It seems that Greg is having a good season this year. I would like to relate to you a passage from a book that Greg mentioned to me that I purchased and read. The book is entitled 3 Steps to Yes: The Gentle Art of Getting Your Way by Gene Bedell. This book was actually recommended to Greg by Fred Hodgins. So Fred scores a run in this inning as well.

In the passage I wish to quote, Mr. Bedell had been dealing with how bats navigate. Here is the passage taken from pages 62-63:

Bats use an entirely different mechanism, echolocation, which requires their active involvement and demands that they continuously process what they “hear.” Like sonar on a submarine, bats send out signals, typically ultrasound, that bounce off their targets – insects, trees, the windshields of eighteen-wheelers – and get reflected back for immediate processing by their bat brains.
Given the need to listen to and process every incoming signal, bats are definitely not big-picture creatures. Unlike us, they can’t just sit back and passively listen and decide what to do after they’ve heard the whole story. They can’t ignore intermediate information they receive and tune in and out of their conversations with the outside world, confident they’ll pick up the gist of what’s being communicated. They navigate, deciding which direction to fly and what to do next, based on what they learn as they go along. If they stop paying attention, they’re dead bats.
The human brain is far larger than an entire bat. For better or for worse, we can do such things as conceptualize, summarize, judge, store for later processing, or ignore the vast quantities of data we hear and see. In terms of raw IQ, we’ve got it all over bats. But when it comes to listening, these abilities, which give us the option of tuning in or turning off what’s being said, might actually put us at a disadvantage. When it’s important that you listen, particularly if you’re flying into the unknown, try to listen like a bat.
Specifically send out a signal, wait for a response, listen to the response, then think about it before you decide what you’re going to say. Only after you’ve done all that should you send out another signal. There are three important concepts here. The most important is that you’re talking to listen and understand, as opposed to talking to be heard. The second is that you’re listening carefully to every response that comes back from the signals you send out. Finally, you’re navigating, adjusting what you say and do, according to what you hear as you go along.
To make this work, at a minimum, you have to stop talking so you can listen and think about what the other person is saying. For example, after asking your transition question, stop talking. Don’t just stop talking, don’t even think about talking. No matter how long it takes your Prospect to answer, think about only one thing: listening – because listening is the only way you can learn about the personal needs of the individual you’re trying to persuade.

This passage, of course, is dealing with the art of persuading people. It is true that being a good listener will provide you with the knowledge of how best to connect to the person you want to persuade. If you know a person’s needs, you can better persuade them by showing them that what you have to offer will meet those needs. Or you may discover that what you have to offer will not meet that person’s needs. In this case you can save yourself time and effort trying to persuade someone who will not likely be persuaded. Understanding this can be very valuable in Christian witnessing. It is a waste of time to try to convince some people to believe the gospel. That is why we have verses like this one:

Proverbs 23:9 Speak not in the ears of a fool: for he will despise the wisdom of thy words.

Notice the line that I highlighted in the above passage. Too often when conversing with someone, we are more interested in being heard than in hearing what someone else has to say. This causes a relationship to be imbalanced and frustrates the person who wants to be heard but “can’t get in a word edgeways.” Let’s face it. We all like to be heard. How many times have you responded to something someone was telling you with a flippant “Uh huh” only then to rush to what you were planning to say all the while you were supposed to be listening to the other person. You need to practice listening, which means practicing concentration. You need to concentrate on what the other person is telling you, as was recommended in the quotation above. If you would build good relationships with others, you must learn to be a better listener.

But, as always, we need to see what the Scriptures have to say about this. This verse speaks directly to our need to be more ready to listen than to speak.

James 1:19 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:

How many times have you been so certain of what someone was going to say, that you cut them off and responded to what you thought they were going to say. You might think this is a sign of your superior intelligence. Not so! Consider this verse:

Proverbs 18:13 He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.

If it embarrasses you to realize that you cut people off before hearing them out, it should. Such behaviour is a shame. It shows a lack of good judgment.

In his book entitled The Smart Step-family, Ron L. Deal had this to say about listening: “Listening is a process by which persons set aside their own agendas long enough to tune in to someone else.” That captures what I am trying to say. If we would follow the wisdom of Scripture, we would be more inclined to listen than to speak. We would take more time to weigh what we hear and to respond to it. If we are too quick to speak, we run the risk of being fools, yea, worse than fools.

Proverbs 29:20 Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words? there is more hope of a fool than of him.

Matt Ruma gave me this quote from the Greek philosopher Epictetus: "We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak." That is just another way of saying “be swift to hear; slow to speak.” So Matt scores a run as well. If we would all become better listeners, it would go far in improving our relationships with others. And we would certainly be better Christians as we would be more disposed to hearken diligently to our God. May our God never make this complaint of us:

Psalms 81:13 Oh that my people had hearkened unto me, and Israel had walked in my ways!

I hope you have found these meditations informative and profitable. Would you like me to continue producing these email meditations for you?

Listening, Part 4

Thank God, I can at last come back to composing these meditations. In the last three meditations I dealt with the subject of listening. Let’s briefly review the ground we have covered to bring us up to date. Recall that the responsibility for listening falls upon you, the listener. You need to become an energetic listener, making an effort to focus your attention upon what you are hearing. God commands you to hearken diligently to Him, which means that you need to make a constant effort to pay attention to what He is saying to you. And do not forget that the quality of your life depends upon whether you listen to God or not. Listening, like anything else, will improve with effort and practice. In order to pay attention, you must exercise the power of concentration. When you are concentrating, your mind is focused on one thing. As you try to pay attention, you need to notice when your mind wanders and call it back. In other words, if you would improve the power of concentration, you must concentrate on concentrating. You also need to practice self-control, restraining your passions, emotions, and impulses. Otherwise, your mind will be so anxious and agitated that you cannot focus your attention on one thing. And do not forget to reduce unnecessary stress as stress will interfere with your ability to concentrate and to retain information. Today I would like to consider some things that might help to improve your power of concentration and thereby your listening skills.

One thing that should help to improve your power of concentration is to cut back on activities that reduce your ability to concentrate. For example, one of the problems that speakers face today is that they address audiences whose power of concentration has been numbed by television. Taking in the information television offers does not require the power of concentration that reading or listening to a speaker requires. Instead of having to focus your attention, television reaches out and grabs it with the technical manipulation of events by means such as background music, loud noises, switching scenes and angles, and other visual effects. My daughter reports that when she allows her son to watch cartoons before beginning his lessons in home school, his ability to concentrate on his lessons is greatly reduced. Spending less time in front of the boob tube and more time in things that exercise your ability to listen with concentration should help.

Here is a quote from an article that I downloaded entitled Grave Cell Phone Dangers Revealed by Will Thomas:

Other studies show that electromagnetic signals from cellular phones reduce the ability to concentrate, calculate and coordinate complicated activities such as driving a car. Startled by $4 billion a year in extra claims among cellphone-wielding drivers, North American insurers did a double-take that found simply juggling cell phones is now causing a 600% increase in accidents over other drivers busy shaving, applying makeup, tuning radios, taming pets, making out, pouring coffee, retrieving dropped cigarettes, talking and gesturing to passengers, or actually steering the vehicle.
Instead of just another dangerous distraction, tests conducted by the U.S. Department of Energy found that using a cell phone severely impairs memory and reaction times. "Hands-free" mobile speaker-phones cause even more crashes because they typically emit 10-times more brainwave interference than handheld units.

Now I cannot vouch for the information in this quote, especially since I do not have a cell phone. But I do think it is worth considering. To those who use cell phones, which are most of you, I would suggest that you observe yourself and see if cell phone usage affects your power of concentration. When you hang up your cell phone, try to focus on one thing and see how well you do.

Another thing that should help you to listen is to learn to listen selectively. This relates back to some of the recommendations I gave you on the subject of memory. Recall that in order to improve your memory, you have to establish priorities whereby you can sort out what needs to be remembered from what does not need to be remembered. Since you cannot remember everything that comes through your mind, you must practice selective forgetting thus freeing up mental energy to remember what you should. The same holds true for listening. Today we are bombarded with so many voices beckoning for our attention. Just consider all that knocks at the door of our minds: there are the people around us with whom we must deal; there is the daily mail delivery with myriads of advertisements, political ads, newspapers, etc.; there is the television with several channels to choose from, especially if you have cable television; there are phones sounding off at home, in the office, and everywhere, if you have a cell phone; there is the internet; there is email; there is music being played everywhere you go; there are iPods; and somewhere in the mix are God, His word, His church, and His minister. In order to be a better listener, you have to simply say “no” to some of these things calling for your attention. Remember that listening requires concentration, which is the ability to focus on one thing. So that means other things have to be tuned out!

We have to realize that we cannot listen to everything, learn everything, know everything, and do everything. We have to settle it in our hearts as to what is most important for us to learn, know, and do. That will help us to discern between what we should listen to and what we should tune out.

Now the Scripture teaches us to practice selective listening. Observe these passages:

Proverbs 19:27 Cease, my son, to hear the instruction that causeth to err from the words of knowledge.

1 Timothy 4:7 But refuse profane and old wives' fables, and exercise thyself rather unto godliness.

Titus 3:9 But avoid foolish questions, and genealogies, and contentions, and strivings about the law; for they are unprofitable and vain.

Since the quality of our life depends upon our listening to God, it stands to reason that our adversary the devil will introduce every distraction he can to keep us from paying attention to what our God has to say. So let us be vigilant and resist this device of the enemy. Let us ever follow the advice of Eli, who taught Samuel to say: “Speak, LORD; for thy servant heareth” (1 Samuel 3:9). Are you listening?