The Power of "No"

I was struck today by a profound statement made by Bishop Fulton Sheen in an article he wrote detailing the ills of the so-called “Sexual Revolution.” Here is the statement:

It is the tremendous power of the word “no” which gives so much thrill to the word “yes.”

If one never says “no” to sex, then much of the thrill of sex will be lost. This is not only true with respect to sex. It is true of life in general. The more we are denied something, the more thrilling it is when we are permitted to enjoy it.

I experienced this firsthand with one of my daughters, when she was still living at home with us. My daughter wanted to have her ears pierced. Each year around her birthday she would ask if she could have her ears pierced. And year after year I would say “no.” Then one year she asked again and I said “yes.” You should have seen the look on her face. She was shocked and, of course, quite thrilled. You see, the many times I said “no” imparted thrill to that “yes.”

As I thought on this statement by Bishop Sheen, I thought of how many times God says “no” to things. Just consider the Ten Commandments. With the exception of one, the commandment to honour father and mother, every commandment is expressed as a negative. We are being told not to do something. We are commanded not to have other gods, not to make graven images to worship, not to take the Lord’s name in vain, not to work on the seventh day, not to kill, not to commit adultery, not to steal, not to bear false witness against our neighbour, and not to covet. And this is just a sampling of the things to which our God says “no.” The Bible is full of such negatives. It might seem as if God is a killjoy. But the exact opposite is the case.

In the light of Bishop Sheen’s statement, God says “no” to so many things not to deny us pleasure, but rather to enhance our pleasure. Take the pleasure of sex as an example. The only form of sex with another person that God allows is sex within marriage between a man and a woman. But in this area where God says “yes,” He grants to the married couple liberty to enjoy that experience in any way that they find mutually satisfying so long as it is between them without the involvement of others. In the Song of Solomon, which sets forth pure marital love in terms of oriental imagery, this charge is given to the married couple:

Song of Songs 5:1 …eat, O friends; drink, yea, drink abundantly, O beloved.

The married couple is invited to enjoy their sexual pleasure abundantly. One cannot read the Song of Solomon attentively without sensing the thrill this couple experienced in their relationship. But take this experience of sex outside of marriage, and it becomes marred with guilt, the pain of betrayal, the risk of detection, or the risk of venereal disease. Although the pleasure of the moment may be intense, in the end it yields a bitter fruit.

It is sad to see children today so inundated with toys and entertainment. I once saw two of my grandsons get so many presents for their birthday that the thrill of receiving them diminished as they continued to open one present after another. Parents spoil the fun of life for their children when they always say “yes” to their demands. You will increase the thrill of “yes” by learning to say “no” more often.

I love a large bowl of buttered popcorn every Friday night. It thrills me to eat that bowl of popcorn. I look forward to it throughout the week. But a lot of that thrill would be lost if I had it every night. You will increase the thrill in your own life if you say “no” to yourself more often. Then when you finally do say “yes,” how sweet it will be! So do you want me to write more today? The answer is “no.” Enjoy!